Winter

tower-2101355_1920A woman coughs next to me. My nose is running. Lots of hats, no snow boots, just sensible shiny black shoes and commuting flats.

I didn’t see the little man yesterday. The big man took him out on the trains for the afternoon. He was laughing in the photographs. He was calling for daddy when I left the house this morning. He used to call for me.

I didn’t see the sun yesterday. I hear it was ineffective. I hear it was pretty.
I didn’t laugh yesterday. A customer story reduced me to tears of frustration. My team barely speaks. We’re discussing a Christmas meal in January. Nobody has the energy to organise it sooner.

I am dropping a day of work in January. I can fail to do a good job in 3 days just as successfully as I can fail to do it in 4. I can’t wait to have an extra day with the little man. I can’t wait for my career to stop stagnating and start the always inevitable steady decline instead. I hope the decline is quiet. I hope it’s calm. I’m letting the side down. I have been let down.

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